


Divide

by holtzbian



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, just backstories you know, this is mostly super light though because i'm soft, trigger warning for some emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-10-02 09:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10214546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbian/pseuds/holtzbian
Summary: In which each song on Ed Sheeran's Divide album corresponds with a piece of their story.





	1. Eraser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five times Jillian Holtzmann said she was fine, and one time she was.

_Save your loving arms for a rainy day  
And I'll find comfort in my pain_

 

* * *

 

"Jillian is... _spirited_."

She has already heard this word a lot by the tender age of six. She looked it up in a dictionary once but all she found was a lot of garble about emotions and the body-soul connection. It ended up leading her to a book about ghosts, but she had to leave the library then- break time always seemed to end just as she was getting to the good part. When she asked her dad what the word meant, he said "fun but loud". She was pretty sure he was telling the truth. She was _definitely_ both fun _and_ loud. She didn't really see why it was a 'but', though. The qualities fun and loud had led her to make a new best friend, Jessica. Her first best friend, in fact, but Jessica didn't need to know that. Her hair was always shiny and she laughed a lot, mostly at her, but not in a mean way, which Jillian liked, and she always shared the cookies her mom packed her for lunch. She liked that both of their names started with J, too.

"Jillian?"

"Huh?" Oh, right. Parent-teacher conference.

"Could you wait outside please?"

She rolls her eyes at her mother- this _always_ happens. Why do they even make her go? Her dad rubs her arm reassuringly before she drops from the chair she is much too small for and trudges out of the classroom into the hall. She slumps against the wall there, playing with her thumbs. After about _ten years_ have passed (or five minutes, in real time, but she had been sure that she would die of boredom as she stared at the sixth grade mural opposite her), her parents join her outside and usher her out to the car. They drive home in relative silence, Jillian preparing herself for the 'talk' she would get when they got there. As usual, she runs up the stairs as soon as she has squeezed past her dad through the front door, hoping that she could disappear and they'd forget about the whole thing. She's surprised when they don't come to get her immediately, but surmises that maybe this genius tactic had finally worked- she just hadn't moved fast enough all the other times they needed to tell her she was too loud, too curious, and talked too much, so that her teachers didn't have to.

"Jilly?" She's quite happily rebuilding her Lego Death Star for the third time since she'd gotten it a month ago when her dad knocks softly at the door.

"Can I come in?" She looks up at him and nods. This is _not_ how this usually goes.

He sits down on the floor opposite her and joins her in building. They sit like that quietly for a few minutes before he speaks.

"So," He says softly.

"You're going to be in a new class, starting Monday."

Jillian stops what she's doing immediately, the bricks falling from her little hands with a clatter.

"What? Why?" She asks, her blue eyes filling with tears.

Her dad clears his throat and looks down, still building.

"There's a girl in your class called Jessica?"

"My best friend." She says matter-of-factly, crossing her arms.

"She... Her parents... think you're distracting her."

Jillian's mouth falls open.

"I am not! We're friends! Sometimes she- she starts it!"

"I know." He drops the Lego and sighs, looking at his tearful daughter and opening his arms.

"Come here."

Jillian stands firm, her arms crossed and her face angry, actively defying the steady stream of tears falling down her face.

"Jill, please."

Her dad sighs, shaking his head as he gets up. He picks her up and walks over to her bed, sitting down with his still furious, still crying daughter on his lap.

"Listen to me. You are very grown up for your age, do you know that?"

She doesn't respond, her arms still crossed so tight across her chest that it hurts a little.

"Well, you are. That's why I always tell you the truth, even when the truth is hard, like now. You wouldn't want me to lie to you, would you?"

She still doesn't say anything, but she lets up a little, leaning into him.

"You're very grown up and other kids your age aren't. You're very special, but it means you're different, too. I know it and I love you even more for it. But not everyone understands."

The tears have stopped now, and she stares up at him with watery, earnest blue eyes. He smiles, wipes her eyes and kisses the top of her head.

"I know you're special, and I know you learn faster than everyone else, but you gotta let them catch up. I know your beautiful little brain runs at a hundred miles per hour, but sometimes your mouth and your feet have to hang out behind. And if it drives you crazy, just know that you can talk my ear off when you get home, and it's the best part of my day. You should always be who you are."

Jillian clings to her dad, and he hugs her tight.

"Now, is there anything you want to talk about?"

She shakes her head.

"You're not too worried about starting a new class?"

"No," She sighs. She doesn't tell him that Jessica was her first and only best friend, or that six is way too old for your dad to be your best friend. She doesn't want to make him sad.

"I'm fine."

 

* * *

 

Jillian doesn't cry anymore. She hasn't in years. It makes her look weak, and she doesn't need that. Even on this day, when she's in the principal's office nursing a black eye, she doesn't cry. Mrs James looks at her like she's made of paper and glass and her insides will fall apart at any minute, and it makes her crazy, but she doesn't cry.

"They said you started it, but I don't believe them."

Jillian laughs.

"That's good."

The principal frowns. She's very tall and refined, always wears a pressed suit with a long skirt, and her smiles always seem forced. Jillian has been seeing far too much of her, but she at least finds her presence comforting, because it means that whatever fresh hell has gone down on each given day is over.

"What's funny?"

"That there's any other option than not believing them. Have you seen me?"

She chuckles to herself as she slouches back in her seat, propping her feet up on the principal's desk. She's the smallest in her class by far, and she keeps to herself within the walls of the school. She really can't help that bullies seem to be drawn to her.

"I'll be honest with you Jillian," Mrs James sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. She looks tired, Jillian notices, but she always does.

"I'm tired of seeing you get hurt, and I think we should address the reason you're being targeted."

She stares blankly back at her, at least, the eye that doesn't have an ice pack pressed to it does.

"I'm sending you home to change. If you could dress more like everyone else-"

"I refuse to believe that I had a locker slammed in my face because I'm wearing a vest and boots. I'm not the problem."

She sits up straight then, folding her arms across her chest, defensive. She's submitted, in every other way- she sits quietly, doesn't draw attention to herself, listens. She won't give up who she is. Her mom won't let her cut her too-long hair, so she ties it back in a tight ponytail that she _hates_ , she spends eight hours a day, five days a week in a classroom full of people she doesn't understand, doing work she could've comprehended three years ago, and goes home to a mother who has never accepted her, and a father that...

She's fourteen now, and she shops for herself. Her clothes are one thing she can control, one thing that makes her feel safe; she's not giving that up, even if it makes her physically _un_ safe.

"I'm sending you home to change," The principal repeats.

"You aren't the problem, but you can choose to do something to protect yourself."

"I shouldn't have to-"

"Go home, Jillian."

She shakes her head, even though it hurts, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder before storming out of the principal's office.

 

"Why are you home?" Her mother asks accusingly, peering out from the living room as Jillian walks through the door.

"Half day," She shrugs, darting upstairs to her room.

"What happened to your face?!" She yells after her.

"Fell!" She calls back, slamming the bedroom door closed behind her.

She spends the rest of the day breaking down an old VCR for parts, a feat made much more difficult by her swollen eye hindering her vision. She's taking a break, lying back on her bed and applying ice to her eye, when her mother comes up.

"School just called."

Jillian groans, slowly dragging herself up to a seated position, leaning against her heavily-postered wall.

"Jillian, I don't..."

She shakes her head and lets out a sigh, exasperated.

"I don't understand why you do this to yourself. You could've just... Just put some normal clothes on."

"Dad said-"

"Your dad is a fucking idiot!" She yells suddenly, making her daughter jump.

"He's not home yet. He finished work two hours ago. So he won't be defending your honour tonight. You can't just skip school. I let you get away with _so much_ -"

Jillian crosses her arms tight.

"I didn't skip. They sent me home. And I guess they told you I didn't fall, either, but you don't give a shit about that."

Her mother's eyes widen.

"You're not hard done by, Jillian. I don't see why you have to make life harder for yourself. Don't _ever_ pull this shit again."

She goes to leave then, and Jillian refuses to be defeated.

"Who knows if it's even my fault? I might be concussed!"

She rolls her eyes.

"Are you?"

"I don't know. I'm not a doctor."

"Do you want to see one?" Her tone is icy, and she truly doesn't seem to care.

"No," Jillian says firmly.

"I'm fine."

 

* * *

 

Her dad has good days sometimes. If he's had a good day at work, he comes home on time, and for a few hours, he's himself. No one can pry the beers out of his hand, so a few hours is the best she can hope for. The worst are the days he comes home late- he goes to the bar straight from work, and comes home smelling of hard liquor. Sometimes he yells, and sometimes he's just numb. She still doesn't know which one is worse.

She's been holding out for a good day for a while now. She has something to tell him. A lot has changed, but she still hasn't- she's grown in to herself. She's in all AP classes, she's found a few like-minded people there she's come to think of as something like friends, and she finally threw caution to the goddamn wind and cut her hair off. She loves it. Her mother does not.

She steps through her door feeling tense, as she does everyday, hoping she can sneak upstairs undetected.

"Hey, Jilly!"

Her breath catches in her throat. She heads into the living room to find her dad smiling, patting the space next to him for her to sit.

"Hi, dad."

"How was your day?"

"Um, it was-" She fidgets, pulling her legs up to her chest, suddenly overwhelmed.

"It was okay. Is mom home?"

"Nope. She's out for the night."

She nods, a little too rapidly.

"Can I- Can I tell you something? Okay, you know what, I'm just going to. Before I talk myself out of it. Shit. Fuck. Alright. I'm gay."

She exhales, and her head falls back against the couch in relief.

"I'm gay. Fuck, that feels good to say. I'm _so_ gay."

She lifts her head then, and finds him laughing.

"What's funny?"

He just laughs harder, patting her leg.

"Oh, nothing. Just, I know. I know that, Jill. It's alright. Of course you are."

He's still laughing, and a moment later, she is, too. She can't remember the last time she felt this at ease- she doesn't even mind hearing her real name, despite having gone by just Holtzmann for the better part of a year now. (That's what happens when your something-like-friends are mostly guys. She likes it, though.) They talk for hours, and he doesn't touch a drink, at least until after she's fallen asleep. The house feels like her home again, and she certainly doesn't care if sixteen is too old for your dad to be your best friend.

 

Holtzmann gets home late the next day, having spent the evening studying with her one female friend she maybe, definitely had a raging crush on. Still riding the high of her great day, hearing the girl talk about her boyfriend didn't even crush her soul as much as it usually would.

The bubble is shattered as soon as she steps in her front door, and so is a glass against the kitchen wall. She tries to slink upstairs away from the yelling, but her mother runs to the door as soon as she hears it shut.

"You're _gay_?" Her voice is heavy with disgust, and Holtzmann freezes on the stairs. Her dad stumbles out of the kitchen after her.

"You told her?" She asks quietly, feeling smaller than she did before she could reach the handle on the fridge.

"I thought she knew!" He slurs.

"Why do you _insist_ on making life so hard for yourself, Jillian?!"

She shakes her head, eyes filling with tears, and runs up to her room. She bolts it behind her, thanking herself for thinking to install it months ago.

It takes hours before she's calmed down, and she curls in on herself in bed, watching the X Files on her tiny TV in an attempt to distract her over-active brain. There's a banging at the door and she shuts off the TV.

"What?" She calls feebly.

"It's me." He still sounds drunk, but softer.

She trudges slowly over to the door and unlocks it, tentatively opening it just a crack.

"What?" She says again, her chest aching.

"I'm sorry, Jilly."

She shakes her head, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I don't want you to call me that anymore."

"I'm gonna stop drinking."

She laughs bitterly.

"And I'm going to become a cheerleader."

He looks broken, but she truly can't bring herself to care. He's been breaking her for years.

"What can I do?" He asks feebly.

"Don't let her kick me out."

He chokes on air like he's been punched, genuinely shocked.

"She wouldn't, she- I pay the bills. She can't. But she wouldn't."

Holtzmann shrugs.

"Great. Just don't drink yourself to death before I leave for college next year and we're square, then."

She goes to close the door, but he blocks it with his foot.

"Jill, what can I do?"

She looks up, blinking away tears.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Get out."

 

* * *

 

Holtz lives a lot of life in her senior year. She gets her heart broken by a straight girl for the first time, and something tells her it won't be the last. She gets into the college of her dreams with a full scholarship. Her dad goes missing for three days and then comes home acting like its any other Tuesday afternoon.

On a different Tuesday afternoon, she feels like the world is at her fingertips. She looks around at her empty room- the walls stripped bare, because she doesn't want to leave even a shred of herself here- for the last time, and feels ready. She pulls on her brand new MIT hoodie and slings her bag over her shoulder, the rest of her stuff having been shipped to her off-campus apartment ahead of time.

"Okay," She exhales when she reaches the bottom of the stairs, where her parents are lingering by the kitchen door.

"Um. I guess I'm going then."

Her dad hugs her silently, and she lets him, and that's enough. He wanders away, and she's left under her mother's ever-piercing stare.

"I'm sorry I was such a big gay disappointment," She jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It falls flat.

"Okay, uh. Bye." She presses her lips together, feeling drained from the short interaction. The strap of her bag seems to dig into her shoulder during the few steps between the house and the cab. She climbs in the back, dropping the bag next to her, and stares out the window until the scenery starts to move.

"Airport, huh?" Her cab driver pipes up after a minute.

"Where you headed?"

"College. MIT."

"Damn! Someone's a genius."

"Something like that," She chuckles.

"Your parents must be proud."

"So you'd think."

At a red light, he peers around and sees her hunched up by the window.

"Damn, sorry. Didn't mean to throw salt on a wound there."

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's behind me. I'm fine."

 

* * *

 

College is _another world_. Holtzmann has never felt more like herself, more at home than she does in the lab. She meets Dr Gorin in her first week, and they take to each other straight away. She feels challenged and fulfilled, finally. She feels at home.

At the end of her first semester, she makes a decision- she won't go home for the holidays. A lot of people don't, and she spends the festive season surrounded by kindred spirits. After that, she decides she won't go home at all until- _if_ she's asked. Even then, she doesn't know. She decides to never again go where she's not wanted. She's wanted here. By her final year, she has traditions of her own with this group- traditions that they know they won't keep, but traditions nonetheless. Holtz has friends in college, sure- people she talks to in class, roommates that come and go, regulars at the coffee shop she works in to help her pay rent- but she never really feels close to anyone, and she's sure they'll fall out of her life as soon as college is over.

She has a couple of girlfriends throughout the years, too, never anything serious- she finds that most girls are experimenting, and that's okay, she just never needed to. She was never really looking for anything, anyway. A drunken night here and there, casual relationships of no more than three months, are more than enough for her. She studies, plays music in her downtime, and spends almost every waking moment in the lab. Dr Gorin becomes something of a mother-figure to her, or at least, what she thinks a mother is supposed to be. She thrives in college, even if its alone. She becomes who she is supposed to be.

Graduation day is bittersweet. Dr Gorin has a research job lined up for her already, and CERN has already expressed interest in her. The future lies ahead of her, bright and shiny as ever, even through her yellow-tinted glasses (she took to wearing them after Dr Gorin had picked up on her sensitivity to light), but she worries that she doesn't know who she is in the real world.

She dances up onto the outdoor stage to collect her diploma in typical Holtzmann fashion, throwing it up in the air and catching it before walking over to join her fellow classmates. Her mentor smiles at her, and she realises that this is what it feels like to have someone be proud of you. After the ceremony, she's heading over to talk to Gorin when someone steps in front of her, and she almost trips over her own feet.

"Shit, sorry-"

Her mouth falls open and she freezes, looking up into her father's eyes. He's alone.

"Hi, Jilly."

Holtz swallows hard, stepping back until she has room to breathe. She feels like the earth is shifting beneath her feet, and she balls her hands into fists as she tries to maintain her balance.

"What- why are you here?"

"I'm proud of you, Jill. I wanted to see my daughter graduate."

He seems sincere, and she exhales, unclenches her fists.

"Thank you," She says softly. As much as she doesn't want to be, she's happy to see him. A part of her had never stopped hoping he'd one day be who he was, be her dad again. But then he goes in for the hug, and she steps back again.

"No," She shakes her head, holding up her hands so he knows not to come closer.

"I'm- thank you for coming. But I, uh."

She looks out across the field, and spots Dr Gorin a few feet away, watching her with concern. She looks down, takes a deep breath, and looks him in the eye.

"Thank you for coming, I appreciate it, but I don't owe you anything. I'm glad you're proud of me, but I don't need you to be."

With that, she walks away from him, away from the whole scene. Dr Gorin catches up to her a few minutes later, reads her face and pulls her in for a hug. Dr Gorin, who rarely smiles, and definitely doesn't show any level of affection, hugs her. And then Holtzmann cries, for the first time in years. Gorin lets her, rubs her back, waits for her to calm down. Holtz realises this is what she missed out on- this is a mother's embrace.

"I don't feel finished," Holtzmann says finally.

Dr Gorin pulls back, holds her at arm's length.

"With college? With..." Her mentor looks back out across the field, at the crowd that's slowly beginning to dissipate.

"Whatever that was?"

"All of it."

"Well, you're just getting started. You don't get to choose when you're finished."

Holtzmann nods slowly, wipes her eyes with her sleeve.

"Thank you."

"It's a happy day, Jillian. Don't let the past seep its way into your future."

She nods again, exhaling heavily.

"You're right. I know. I'm good, I'm fine."

They head back over to the celebrations, and she puts on a brave face for everyone that wants to high-five her or shake her hand. But, as much as she doesn't want to, she looks around to see if he's still there. There's still a six year old girl inside of her that just wants her dad to scoop her up and tell her everything's going to be okay.

 

* * *

 

Around six months after she saved the world with her best friends, Holtzmann is dancing around her lab. They've had the firehouse for a long while, but it still feels new to Holtz, and despite the scorch marks on the floor and ceiling, she certainly isn't done breaking it in. She laughs to herself as she empties her third fire extinguisher of the week.

"Just so you know, if we all burn to death in this firehouse, I ain't gonna appreciate the irony. I'll be haunting your ass, and I'm a ghostbuster so I know all your tricks. I'll take you _down_."

"Patty, dearest Patty, if we all burned to death I'd be the first to go. And my ghost would kick your ghost's ass."

Patty looks at her friend in exasperation as she heads for the stairs.

"I regret it every damn time I come up here."

Erin chuckles as she passes her on the stairs, turning into the lab, holding a book tight to her chest.

"Erin Gilbert!" Holtzmann yells as soon as she sees her, dropping the empty fire extinguisher on her work station with a clatter, making Erin jump. She hops over and takes the book from her hands, drops it on the desk behind her and kisses her hard on the mouth.

"Holtz," Erin laughs against her lips, holding onto her arms.

"How are you, you wonderful genius, you?" Holtzmann grins, stroking her girlfriend's hair.

"I'm good. Like I was half an hour ago, when you last asked me that."

Holtz shoots finger guns in her direction, hands her book back to her, and then scoots back over to where she was working.

"I am glad to hear that."

They've been together for just under a month, and Holtzmann is the happiest that she's ever been. She lights up when Erin enters a room, and every time she kisses her it feels like the first time- and she kisses her a _lot_.

"What are you working on?" Erin asks, joining her at the other side of her workstation, leaning on it with her elbows to peer over at her work.

"Our good friend the ghost trap here," Holtzmann pats the huge hunk of metal fondly.

"She was sidelined for a while after _insisting_ on sending every ghost to Michigan, but I'm giving her another chance."

She looks back at Erin when she falls silent, still holding a book tightly in her arms.

"And yourself?"

"Oh, um, actually," She smiles sheepishly, placing the book on the table and opening it.

"I wondered if you'd take a look at this. I think I've found something pretty cool."

Holtzmann grins, seeing her girlfriend's enthusiasm, and leans on the surface, her head resting on her hand as she watches her. She still needs the extra push sometimes.

"Talk me through it."

Erin does so- animatedly, talking with her hands and flipping through the pages of calculations in front of her, only stopping when Holtz leans over to kiss her every so often, because she's just _so adorable_ when she's passionate (and also, like, all the time). Holtz sets her phone on silent when she realises they're on to something- Erin's genius may have come up with something to allow the containment unit to not only hold more entities, but become mobile. They work for hours together, drawing up blueprints for the new unit, and only realise how long its been when Abby peers sheepishly around the door.

"Oh thank god," She sighs when she sees them hunched over a desk.

"We thought you were having sex."

Erin rolls her eyes as Holtzmann laughs.

"Patty! It's safe to come up!"

"Oh, come on," Erin groans.

"We're not that bad."

Abby raises an eyebrow as she leans against the doorframe.

"I've seen Holtzmann's bare ass far too many times for my liking."

"One time."

"Which is _too many_."

Patty joins them in the lab and loudly announces that she's choosing what they watch on TV tonight- she refuses to sit through any more Bill Nye videos or comedies starring that girl Holtzmann thinks looks like Erin (nobody else sees it). They all turn to face the engineer when she doesn't shoot back about the wonders of Bill Nye and find her staring at her phone, her expression blank. She'd hadn't been expecting to miss anything other than alerts from the way-too-many science news sites she's subscribed to, but she finds a missed call from a number she'd never forget, and they'd never change.

"Holtz? Everything okay?"

She frowns, staring at the number on the screen.

"Holtz?"

"Yeah, uh," She clears her throat, dropping her phone back in the pocket of her overalls.

"Yeah, I'm good. Bill Nye is a national treasure, Patty."

They laugh it off before heading downstairs to order food, though Erin lingers behind and watches her girlfriend, the moment giving her pause.

 

Holtzmann doesn't mute her phone the next day. She tells herself not to call back, that if its important they'll call again. If someone's dead, they'll call again. Why would they call unless someone was dead? She hasn't heard from her father since graduation, her mother since that awkward phone call during freshman year asking if she'd be home for the holidays. _Who is dead?_

"Hey," Erin greets her girlfriend softly as she steps into the lab the next morning. It's early, even for Erin, but Holtz is already there. Erin isn't sure she even went home last night.

"Hey," Holtz replies, seeming distracted as she lays out parts for the new unit.

Erin tries not to take it personally when she doesn't run over to kiss her as usual, and instead walks over and presses her lips to the engineer's cheek.

"You okay?"

Holtzmann smiles and turns to kiss her softly.

"Yep. Sorry. Didn't get much sleep. You wanna work on this together?"

Erin nods, and Holtz begins to talk her through the new ideas that had hit her overnight. They spend hours bouncing ideas off of each other and drawing up new plans, and Holtzmann is starting to seem more like herself again- throwing tools up in the air and catching them, high-fiving Erin at random intervals for "just being the greatest ever"- when her phone rings and she freezes. Erin notices the way she hesitates before answering, the way her hand seems to shake as she lifts it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Jillian?"

She clears her throat, which seems to be closing up, at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Yeah."

There's a silence, and Holtzmann walks over to Erin's desk across the room, dropping into the chair.

"I saw you on the news yesterday."

Holtzmann lets out a puff of air, relief coursing through her veins. No one's dead. The news that ghosts are real had just finally made it to their small town.

"You did?"

"Yes. Your father and I..."

There's noise on the other end of the line, and then her father's voice.

"Is that Jilly? Let me talk to her."

Drunk. Of course.

"Your father and I would like you to stop going by our name."

Holtz laughs so abruptly she almost chokes on it.

"What?"

"We don't need your... craziness on our family name. "

Holtz closes her eyes, her free hand covering her mouth in disbelief.

"I had to hear from the neighbours that my daughter is a ghost-chasing lesbian."

She laughs again, because she doesn't know what else to do. It's just too insane to comprehend.

"We prefer ghost _busting_. And you already knew that last part."

"My point stands."

Holtzmann takes a deep breath. For a moment, a brief moment, she'd thought her mother might have been proud to see her on the news. She'd only _saved the world_. She kicks herself for ever expecting- for ever _wanting_ more from her.

"No, it doesn't. The name is the only thing you ever gave me that did me any good. You don't get to call me and tell me I'm embarrassing you. You don't even know who I am. And who I am is actually pretty great. _Fuck_ you." She hangs up the phone and sits frozen for a second, before throwing it across the room and watching it smash against the wall. She slams her fists on the desk and yells, before breaking down. Almost as soon as the tears start to fall, she's pulled into Erin's arms. She falls into her, clutches at her shirt as she cries into her chest. She hasn't let herself be this vulnerable for a long time, but she feels safe between these four walls, between Erin's arms. Erin doesn't say anything- she doesn't need to. Just holds her, strokes her hair, anchors her until she can breathe again.

"This is good," Holtzmann says quietly once she's settled, before lifting her head to look at Erin.

"I feel finished now."

Erin just smiles and kisses her softly.

"You don't owe anyone anything."

Holtzmann grins, her eyes still watery, but they've got that glimmer back in them.

"I think I owe you some mind-blowing sex for making you witness that craziness,"

She heads over to the other side of the lab and picks up her smashed phone.

"And I owe myself a new one of these."

 

Hours later, Holtz is laying across the sofa, Erin tucked under her arm next to her, both of their legs across Patty's lap (she'd given up protesting this weeks ago). Abby sits below them on a pile of cushions with her back against the sofa, engrossed in a Discovery Channel show about adulterous penguins. It had been Erin's turn to choose; she'd caught Holtz setting it up to record a few days ago and figured it would cheer her up. The truth was, she didn't need cheering up, but they were all enjoying it far more than they'd admit, anyway.

"That's Mr Steal-Yo-Girl, him! I'm calling it!" Patty yells, making Holtz chuckle.

Erin looks up at her.

"You okay?" She whispers so the others won't hear.

Holtzmann smiles down at her and presses a kiss to her forehead.

She takes a moment to look around, and appreciates how lucky she is. She knows what her purpose is, she's doing what she was born to do. She knows what it means to have a family, a real one. And not only does she know what it's like to have a best friend now, she knows what it's like to fall in love with them.

"I'm fine. Perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first time actually publishing anything, so like, be gentle...  
> I'm reallllly excited about this and I hope you guys like it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!  
> Additional information: obviously not every song 100% suits them, so sometimes I'll just latch on to a lyric and work from there (the lyric will be at the start of the chapter). Shoutout to Ed Sheeran for the art.  
> Thanks for reading!! xo


	2. Castle On The Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin and Holtz get lost.
> 
> (A short, cheesy, ridiculous fluff-fest.)

_I'm on my way_

_Driving at ninety down those country lanes_

_Singing to Tiny Dancer_

 

* * *

 

 

"We're lost, aren't we?"

"We're not lost. I don't know where we are, but I don't know where anywhere is in this country. So we're not lost. We're wandering."

They've been driving for too long. It's reached the point where the rolling fields surrounding the narrow country roads stop feeling quite so magical, and the music seems too loud no matter the volume setting, but everything's far too quiet without it.

"That's a fancy way of saying lost."

" _You're_ a fancy way of saying lost."

Erin rolls her eyes. This had seemed like a great idea a few hours ago. Having wrapped up their overseas bust a few days prior and extended the trip for sightseeing, the Ghostbusters had spent the last two days doing just that, and Holtzmann had grown tired of tourist spots. Whilst she'd thoroughly enjoyed spending the better part of an hour trying to make one of the Queen's guards laugh outside of Buckingham Palace, everything else had started to feel tiresome. The lines were too long and everyone expected her to be far too quiet. Erin had seen it all before- she had visited London with her parents as a child- so she was more than on board when her fiancée suggested they break away, rent a car and head into the countryside whilst their friends hit the museums.

"You are being ridiculous. You shouldn't be reading the map _and_ driving."

"Erin, I'm a professional lesbian. I can read a map."

"That..." Erin sighs, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Those two things are not related."

"Pffft."

Erin just watches, trying to reign in her annoyance as she watches her awkwardly adjust the too-big map that sits between her and the steering wheel. She'd yell at her for being unsafe if they weren't on an utterly abandoned country road. She turns to the window instead, watches the greenery blur past her, tuning out her Holtzmann's muttering as she slowly drifts off.

 

* * *

 

 

It's dark when she wakes up. Completely dark; there's nothing to see but the road ahead of them illuminated by the car's headlights. Having lived in cities for her entire life, Erin has never seen anything like it. Watching the road roll underneath them, combined with Holtzmann's soft, melodic singing, she feels the magic of it start to come back.

"But oh how it feels so real, lying here with no one near, only you," Holtz sings quietly to herself, tapping the rhythm on the steering wheel. She glances over at Erin and finds her watching her, smiling. She grins and reaches over to take her hand.

"And you can hear me, when I say softly, slowly..."

She presses a kiss to the back of Erin's hand before settling it back on her thigh, her own hand resting over it.

" _HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER!_ " Holtz belts out suddenly, making the brunette jump as a surprised laugh rips from her chest.

"Jesus Christ, Holtz-"

" _COUNT THE HEADLIGHTS ON THE HIIIIGHWAAAAY!_ "

Erin bites her lip, covers her face with her hand as she tries not to laugh at this _ridiculous_ woman she's agreed to marry.

" _LAY ME DOWN IN SHEETS OF LIIIIINEEEN_ \- oh, shit."

The last two words fall out in a sudden breath, and Erin panics for a second as she looks over at her.

"What?"

"Er..."

Holtzmann is leaning forward, squinting at something in the distance. She turns the music down with her left hand without looking away.

"Is that a fucking _castle_?"

 

* * *

 

 

It _is_ a fucking castle. After spying it in the distance, it takes them about twenty minutes, almost entirely uphill, to get there. It's more like _half_ of a castle up close; there's no roof, but the main floor and the steps leading up to it stand firm, with three half-crumbled walls, and four confident turrets at each corner. Well, three and a half.

Holtzmann is overcome with joy. She leaps out of the car, which is precariously parked on the steep incline, and heads straight for the trunk. Erin follows her around the car and watches in amusement as she throws a pile of blankets over her shoulder and picks up a box, then runs for the steps.

"Holtz," She laughs as she chases after her.

"Are you sure we should be here? It seems pretty broken down."

Holtz scoffs, laying the blankets down when she reaches the top.

"This guy has stood for, like... centuries, probably. I don't know, I'm not Patty. But we're just two tiny women, so I'm pretty sure it can handle us. We just found a _castle_ , Erin. We're in a castle."

When Erin reaches the top, Holtz has sat down on the blankets, and is pulling solar lanterns out of the box next to her.

"I can't believe you thought to bring those," Erin mutters in amusement as she sits down next to her.

"I am a _genius_ ," Holtzmann chirps in an Italian accent.

"I have an IQ of _one-sixty-three_. That's _off the charts_."

"Shut up," Erin laughs, hitting her lightly on the arm.

Holtzmann turns the lights on, softly illuminating the space around them. They lie back on the blankets, their eyes met by the bright night sky.

"Shit," Erin says softly.

Holtz props herself up one arm, looking at her in concern.

"That's... I've never seen this many stars. That's beautiful."

Holtz smiles down at her, tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Her hand lingers on her face, her eyes soft and sincere.

"Yeah, you are."

There's a silence, and then Erin gives the most dramatic eye roll of her entire life, and Holtz falls on to her back, cackling.

"That was _so_ cheesy. I'm calling off the wedding."

"It was worth it. I've always wanted to hit on you like we're in a low-budget teen movie."

"Is that not what you do every day?"

Holtzmann scrunches her face up in an exaggerated frown.

"I'm _offended_ , Erin. I give you my A-game every day."

Erin just laughs and leans into her. Holtzmann wraps her arm around her, her head resting atop hers.

"It really is beautiful, though. This was worth it, even if we never find our way back."

" _I can read a map, Erin_."

"That's not what I meant," Erin shakes her head, laughing at her stubbornness.

"I just mean, I could stay here forever."

"I think we might run out of food. I only packed for a day and a half."

"You're the _worst_."

Erin covers her face with her hand while her fiancée laughs at herself.

"Really though," Holtz sighs contentedly, lifting Erin's hand and intertwining their fingers.

"Abby and Patty aren't gonna believe this. The pictures are gonna suck, too, 'cause it's dark."

Erin falls quiet for a moment, tracing circles with her thumb on the back of Holtzmann's hand.

"Then maybe we don't take any. Maybe this is just for us."

Holtzmann looks over at her, watches the reflection of the stars in her eyes, the contentment in her face.

She kisses her softly, letting go of her hand in favour of stroking her cheek. Erin covers her hand with her own, kisses her back.

"Thanks for putting up with me," Holtz says quietly after they pull away, foreheads resting together.

"What?"

"I know I'm a lot to deal with," She smiles, running her thumb across her cheek.

"Holtz," Erin sits up, taking Holtzmann's hands so she does the same.

"You're not something I put up with. I love you. I wouldn't change anything about you. Even your unfounded ideas about the link between lesbianism and map-reading."

"Erin Gilbert," Holtzmann grins.

"I can't wait to wife you. I am gonna wife you so hard."

"I'm gonna wife you right back."

Holtzmann kisses her again, pushes forward until Erin lies back.

"Hey Er," She says between kisses.

"We're gonna have sex in this castle, right?"

Erin's jaw drops.

"Here? Are you serious?"

Holtzmann raises an eyebrow at her.

"Are you telling me having sex in a castle _isn't_ on your bucket list?"

Erin groans half-heartedly, tries not to laugh at her fiancée's earnest expression as she wraps her arms around her neck.

"Well, it is _now_."

 

* * *

 

 

They wake up to a breeze in the early hours of the morning, the birds chirping louder than they've ever heard them. They head back soon after, but not before Holtzmann attempts to climb one of the turrets and Erin takes a commemorative picture of her ill-fated struggle. She can't capture the magic of the night before, and nor would she want to, but she can certainly capture the hilarity of Holtzmann falling.

"That was still a victory," Holtz had insisted as she stood up and brushed herself down.

"Halfway up is still a victory."

They listen to Elton John for the entire day, Holtzmann now having decided that the rocket man is the key to a successful road trip. They stop at an ice cream stand, then a small village they'd somehow missed on the way up ("because this is a _completely_ different route, Holtz"), and a bridge overlooking a lake, where they sit and discuss the types of birds they see skitting across the water, all of which are completely made-up.

They're back in London that afternoon, and sleep off the journey in their hotel room for a few hours before joining Abby and Patty for dinner in the pub next door. Erin hands her phone over to them to look through the photos, and waits for the burst of laughter when they reach the action shot of Holtz falling, which soon follows.

"Y'all found a castle?" Patty pipes up, still swiping through pictures of countryside, birds, and Holtzmann with ice cream all over her face.

"More like half a castle," Erin responds.

"Still gets the job done," Holtzmann says with a wink, and tries to choke back a laugh when she feels Erin kick her under the table.

Patty leans in to whisper to Abby while Erin and Holtz continue to flirt over their drinks.

"So they had sex in the castle and they think we can't tell?"

Abby chuckles, leaning on her friend's shoulder.

"Oh, absolutely. Look how cute they are, though."

Holtz reaches over to _boop_ Erin on the nose.

"We can let them have this one. They'll do something gross that we can roast them for tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest: I have lived in England for my entire life but I have no idea if this is even remotely geographically accurate. It probably isn't, though in my experience you can drive for a few hours in pretty much any direction here and find half a castle. I really don't know, though. I'm just here to provide the gay shit.
> 
> P.S. Thank you so much for the positive responses to the first chapter! Makes me happier than you could know. Promise most future chapters will be longer than this. xo


	3. Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin asks Holtz on a date.

_I could live, I could die_  
 _Hanging on the words you say_  
 _I've been known to give my all_  
 _And jumping in harder than_  
 _10,000 rocks on the lake_  
  
_So don't call me baby_  
 _Unless you mean it_

* * *

 

 

Holtzmann has a problem. Her problem is, really, that she either doesn't think at all, or she thinks way, way too much. She's thought a whole lot about asking out Erin Gilbert; one day, hopefully soon, the stars would align and she'd be sure that Erin liked her too, and she'd ask her out in just the right way (not that she's worked out what that would be yet), and Erin would say yes. She hasn't thought at all about what to do if she accidentally let on to how she feels about her, and Erin asked her out.

 

_"Holtz?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you wanna go on a date? With me?"_

 

She wants to call Abby, but she knows she shouldn't. They shouldn't tell the others until they know if they're really something- she's sure Erin would agree. Oh god, what if they're not really something? Panic rises in her throat. Holtzmann can't imagine a world in which Erin is anything other than absolutely _everything_.

Even so, Ghostbusters comes first. It's been five months since they saved the world together, and Holtzmann would never, ever do anything to jeopardise her weird, wonderful little family. Her home. So she doesn't call. She sits in her apartment staring blankly at some preliminary plans for a proton sword (a passion project of hers, the practicality of which is extremely questionable, but no one can deny that it would be awesome). Usually, she'd be able to push away what's bothering her and lose herself in work, but she's being plagued by images of Erin wielding the goddamn sword.

 

_"Yes. I mean- what? Did you just ask me out?"_

_"I did. That was a yes?"_

_"It was. Really?"_

_"Really. How's tomorrow?"_

 

Erin had been so calm. _How_ had Erin been so calm? Yet here Holtzmann sits, cross-legged on the floor of her apartment, freaking out and trying to think about anything other than Erin with a sword. Erin would look _so_ good with a sword. Maybe Erin had been so calm because it's just not a big deal for her. That's what makes Holtzmann's heart clench. Maybe Erin would be able to go back to the way things were if they didn't work out. Maybe Erin was open to the idea of them not working out. Holtz realises that she's really, really not open to that idea herself.

 

_"Tomorrow is, um. Good. Do you-"_

_"Meet me at my apartment at eight."_

_"I'm- okay? Yeah. Okay. Cool."_

Holtz stands up then, starts pacing. Maybe she should call it off entirely. She knows it would be easier for them not to happen at all than for them to try and have it not work out. Holtzmann isn't open to letting herself fall any harder for Erin if she's not in the same place. How could she be in the same place? Holtz had been flirting with her for months and Erin hadn't asked her out. Why now? _Because she knows that you like her, you idiot._ She can't think of anything worse than Erin asking her out because she felt obligated to. She starts feeling guilty. Did she pressure her? Was it the flirting? Because that was mostly not serious. Well, it was serious, but she never made it seem that way. She never wanted Erin to feel pressured. She picks up her phone, scrolls through the contact, her thumb hovering over the letter 'E'. She changes her mind and drops it on the table like it's on fire. She'll do this in person. She'll tell her in person.

Feeling slightly better having made a decision, she works for a few hours. It's a Saturday, so they aren't due in at the firehouse unless they're called in for a bust. Holtzmann often went in anyway, but she opts not to in case she bumps into Erin and loses her nerve.

 

_"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_"You will. At your apartment. At eight."_

_"Bye, Holtz."_

 

She draws up plans, new ideas, but they're mostly gibberish. She feels like her brain is splattered all over the walls. The hours tick by too slowly yet somehow too fast, are before she knows it, it's 7:15. She's re-does her hair, even though it looks the same as the two other times she did it, and also everyday. Unsure of the dress code for this scenario, she throws on black jeans and a maroon shirt, but does the top button up for good measure. By 7:30, she's putting a blazer on, double-checking herself in the mirror and heading out the door. Erin's apartment is only a ten minute walk away, but she stops for flowers on the way. Carnations- her favourite. She's sure that Erin doesn't know that she knows that. She probably also doesn't know that she knows her favourite colour (it's maroon), that she prefers sunrises to sunsets, and which one of Holtzmann's colognes she likes best. It's the one in the blue bottle, and she knows because Erin always stands a little closer to her for a little longer when she wears it. She's a scientist, she notices these things. She's wearing it right now.

Holtzmann thinks about all of this as she walks to Erin's apartment, flowers in hand. It makes her want to throw caution to the wind and just fucking _woo_ her. Then she's knocking on Erin's door, five minutes early, and Erin opens it wearing a casual black dress, and Holtzmann's mouth goes dry. Erin steps back for her to walk in, and she does, just stares as Erin closes the door behind her.

"Hi," Erin says finally, smiling.

"Hi," Holtz responds. She hands her the flowers, and Erin grins, her fingers brushing Holtzmann's as she takes them from her.

"Thank you," She says, then heads for the kitchen to put them in water.

"These are my favourite," Her voice gets quieter as she moves further away, and Holtz follows her, stopping in the doorway.

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

Holtzmann leans against the doorframe, watches as Erin puts the flowers in water, in a vase, because she's the kind of person who has an empty vase laying around and knows exactly where it is. She tries her hardest not to check her out, but she fails miserably, because she's wearing a black dress that stops halfway down her thigh and she just has the most amazing legs, and Holtzmann has never really seen her legs before because she usually wears pants to work, and Erin is just generally the most beautiful human that Holtz has ever seen and she really couldn't keep her eyes off of her even if the whole world was on fire.

"Holtz?"

"Mm-hmm?"

Erin is standing much closer to her. When did Erin get this close to her?

"You okay?"

Holtzmann swallows hard.

"Yeah, uh. Can I just- say something?"

She walks back through to the living room, gestures for Erin to sit. Erin does so, looking amused whilst Holtz stays standing, then begins pacing.

"Okay, so, I know I kind of gave myself away with my whole, uh, liking you thing, and then you asked me out because of that, but I need you to know that-"

"Holtz, I-"

"Let me finish. I mean, I feel like I've got too much riding on this, and I really just- I just need to know where you're at. Because if you're- if you don't... It's better if we just stay friends and pretend this never happened. If you want, we can go get a burger tonight, as friends, and pretend it never happened. Not that anything happened. You know I'm not good with words like this. But I just..."

"You don't want to get hurt," Erin says softly.

Holtzmann nods, looking anywhere but at her.

"It's really, like, no hard feelings, it's completely cool-"

"Holtz."

She keeps rambling, staring at the floor as Erin crosses the room towards her.

"I just don't want to mess up our-"

" _Holtz_."

She looks up, and Erin is standing _really fucking close_ to her. She swallows again, tries not to look at Erin's lips. She fails.

"Friendship," She whispers, finishing the sentence.

Erin's hands settle on her arms, trace their way up and across her shoulders before she lightly grips the collar of Holtzmann's shirt. She pulls her in gently, catches her lips in the softest of kisses. Holtzmann reacts slowly, her hands tentatively finding their way to Erin's hips.

She wonders for half a second if there's some kind of airborne hallucinogen in Erin's apartment, because she's pretty sure she can taste colours right now, before realising that this is just what it's like to kiss Erin Gilbert. She wonders why anyone ever does anything other than kiss Erin Gilbert.

Erin smiles against her lips, then pulls away slightly, staying close with Holtzmann's hands still on her hips.

"Holtz," She says quietly, tracing her collarbones over her shirt.

"I think I'd really like to ruin our friendship."

"Erin Gilbert," Holtzmann says in a breath, biting her lip in disbelief.

"You are just full of surprises."

"I am?" Erin laughs nervously, scrunching her nose.

Holtzmann marvels at the way her confidence wavers in and out, the way she can seem so sure of herself in one moment and completely at a loss in the next.

"You are."

Erin drops her eyes, and Holtzmann kisses her again, because she can't resist. It's her turn to be the confident one now, wrapping her arms around Erin's waist to pull her closer. Erin's hands on her neck send shivers down her spine, and she's sure that she'll never be the same again.

"For the record, Holtz," Erin says when they eventually pull apart, her arms still draped over Holtzmann's shoulders, hands playing with her hair.

"I don't think I could hurt you if I tried."

Holtzmann chuckles.

"Hey, weren't we gonna go on a date?"

"You know, I think we were. We should do that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Erin grins, backs out of her embrace slowly to go get her bag, whilst Holtzmann waits for her at the door.

"For the record, Erin," Holtzmann says whilst Erin locks the door behind them.

"It hurts me every time you act like you're anything less than the absolute wonder that you are."

Erin turns to her, wide-eyed, and finds her bowing with her hand extended like she's asking her to a ball, as though she hadn't said anything at all.

"Shall we?"

Erin takes a moment to look at her; Holtzmann, a woman so confident and brash on her exterior, the same woman who wouldn't make a move for months in fear or ruining a friendship, the same woman who looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky, even though she's a scientist and she knows that's not the case. She thinks about that, and decides that Holtzmann is such a force of nature, she probably could hang a few stars if she really wanted to. She could probably find something more fun to do, though.

Erin looks at her, and wonders what the hell took them so long. She takes her hand.

"We shall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have a penchant for vulnerable Holtz?  
> I really loved writing this one and getting inside her head even more. I promise there's more Erin-centric stuff coming soon.  
> Thank you for reading and for all the love, you are wonderful xo


	4. Shape Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating this. I had a crazy amount of university work and then I went to New York (and met Kate!) and I've pretty much been a trainwreck since then. Getting my act together though! Read the note at the end. You can already see it from here.

 

_Your love was handmade for somebody like me_

 

* * *

 

Every time Holtzmann touches her, Erin feels like a work of art. She covers her body with kisses like soft paint strokes and shows her colours she never even knew existed. The gold in her hair as the city lights shine on it through the slats in the window pane, the icy blue of her eyes as she looks up at her, the soft pink of her tongue as she makes her come undone.

It's not always so gentle. Sometimes it's hard and desperate, and Erin feels like she's made of marble, and Holtzmann's hands pull away the thickest parts of her armour until she finds what she's looking for. She'll smooth over the rough edges later, when she draws sunsets on her back while she sleeps; her finger the pen, her love the ink.

 There's lightning in Erin's veins, and Holtzmann is the god of thunder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Look. I went through about six different drafts for this chapter of them getting drunk in bars and being stupid, but I couldn't get it to work in a way that made sense for the story progression, even despite the suspended sense of time in the way I'm writing this. I figure that this song is the one that stands out in that it's so different from the rest of the album, so it made sense for this chapter to be the same. Consider this an interlude of sorts. 
> 
> (Next chapter coming soon. Will actually be of a reasonable length. Also the one I'm most excited about in this entire story.)


	5. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so happy to bring you this chapter. It's a wonderful cheesy fluff fest.  
> I really wanted to post this on Ghostbusters day (West Coast time anyway- it's well past 5am for me), but I just missed it... but I'm sure it's still June 8th somewhere, so whatever. Here it is.
> 
> P.S Here's a link to the music I listened to whilst writing this, if you're into stuff like that: https://open.spotify.com/user/abriefcasey/playlist/3UpI7W6HjuGOeaHXXoitXq  
> (How the hell do I hyperlink in a note? I don't know.)  
> The first few songs are the ones featured within the story, so avoid it if you're spoiler-conscious.  
> Hope you like it!

_I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know  
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home_

 

Holtzmann never thought she would get married. She hadn't thought about it too much- it was just something she never thought would be on the cards for her. For starters, she wouldn't even have been able to get married until recently. The new law didn't change much, though; marriage was conventional, and she was anything but, and besides, she'd never met anyone who'd made the thought even cross her mind.

Until Erin Gilbert.

Erin filled her mind with things she'd never have given a second thought to before; spreading rose petals across their bed, writing music for her ears only, buying a ring.

When it comes to it, it's so much easier than she thought it would be. Because it's not conventional, and it's not playing into the marriage industrial complex that infantilizes women, and it's not because they want to 'fortify their bond in front of God' or whatever. It's weird, and it's wonderful, and it's just for them. It's a celebration of their love in front of everyone else they love, and she's more than okay with that. It couldn't be any further from conventional, really. She thinks about that as she slips into her jumpsuit (not her ghostbusting one, though they _had_ discussed that, and might've gone through with it if it hadn't disgusted Patty to her very core); it's white, the closest to convention as they're getting with this event, with an embroidered silver collar and a cape. The cape is really what sealed the deal for her.

"Damn, Holtzy," Patty grins as she steps back to get a look at her after helping her get dressed.

"I'd marry you looking like that. Erin better watch out."

Holtzmann turns to wink at her.

"You just say the word, Pattycakes,"

Patty swats her away while Holtz laughs.

"I can't even joke about it. I can't believe flirting brings me no joy anymore."

She turns to look at herself in the mirror, breathing deeply. She spies Patty peering over her shoulder in the mirror.

"I love her, y'know." She says quietly, to herself more than anything.

"I know, baby," Patty replies, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

"I'm so happy for y'all," She squeezes her tight before walking back across the room while Holtzmann messes with her hair.

"Stop touching it," Patty says without even turning to look at her.

Holtzmann chuckles and stops. It's styled almost in her usual way, just with a touch of wedding flair. Her curls are more defined, and a small bridal comb, a row of rhinestone and pearl flowers, sit upon her hair parting. It was her grandmother's, and her something borrowed. She touches it absentmindedly.

"We're switching," Patty announces, already halfway out of the door.

"See you out there. Good luck."

Holtzmann gives her a wave and waits for all of three seconds before Abby rushes in to take her place.

"Oh my god, Holtz," She squeaks.

"Are you crying _again_?" Holtzmann asks incredulously, laughing, as she turns to face her.

"I reserve my right to cry as much as I want today," She says defensively, wiping her eyes.

"You both look incredible. Wait till you see her, Holtz."

"Really?" Holtzmann grins sheepishly. It's really taking every ounce of self-restraint in her body not to rush across the hall and see Erin for herself.

"Seriously. I'd marry her. I'd marry you, too, damn. Can I get in on this?"

"You're already in on this. And Patty said the same thing. Bunch of gays."

"Alright," Abby laughs, hitting her lightly on the arm.

"It's almost time. Are you ready?"

"Yep," Holtzmann hops over to the dresser.

"Just gotta put my shoes on."

She picks them up- white combat boots. She _is_ still Holtz, after all.

"They're a nice touch," Abby smiles.

Holtzmann laces them up, brushes herself down, and takes one last look in the mirror.

"Okay," She exhales, turning to Abby.

"Let's do this."

"Let's."

 

* * *

 

 

They head down the stairs of the firehouse- the entire ground floor has been cleared of their desks and equipment, replaced by a few rows of seating and an arch made of flowers, balloons, and thank you notes from almost everyone they've ever saved from a ghost. Patty's idea.

Abby and Holtzmann pause at the top of the stairs and look out over the floor below them. There's more people than Holtz had expected. She spots Dr Gorin in the front row, right next to Erin's dad. She smiles.

Everyone's facing forwards, towards the top of the aisle, except for Kevin, who's standing under the arch reading the notes, and a girl at the piano off to the side, who waits for her cue. They'd cleared out some paranormal activity from Julliard a few weeks ago, and hit it off with this girl when she offered her thanks. She offered them yet again in the form of playing at their wedding for free. She waits for them to reach the bottom of the stairs, then for her cue from Abby- a thumbs up- and begins. It's not the wedding march. Too conventional.

Everyone turns to face them as they slowly walk over, arms linked.

 

_I still don't know what I'm looking at  
'Cause I've never seen anything like this before_

Holtzmann feels her heartbeat pick up at the sound of the lyrics, the reality of the moment setting in. The crowd turns to face them, and she sees more familiar faces: Abby's brothers, Jennifer from the mayor's office, friends new and old. It's small, and she likes it that way. She loves everyone in this room.

They reach the top of the aisle by the end of the first verse. The piano slows, and Abby hugs her, nudges Kevin to pay attention, and then steps off to the side. Holtzmann laughs as Kevin turns to face her. She can't _believe_ he ended up officiating.

 

_I think that you must be from outer space--  
Maybe from somewhere beyond the stars_

The music picks up again and Holtzmann's eyes dart to the stairs. Erin and Patty descend slowly, and Holtzmann is sure her eyes must be bulging out of her head. There aren't words.

Her dress is long and strapless with lace sleeves, and she would definitely have tripped over it on the bottom step had Patty not had her arm. Her hair is partially up, with the rest falling in soft waves around her face. Holtzmann has no idea how she got so lucky.

 

_I think you must be extraterrestrial_  
_'Cause you can open up the heavens for me_  
 _With just one smile, just one smile, just one smile._

Right on cue, Erin sees her and smiles, and Holtzmann bites down on her lip in attempt to stop herself from crying. It's agonisingly slow, waiting for them to reach her. She just wants to marry the hell out of Erin Gilbert already.

Eventually, they reach the top of the aisle, and Patty pulls Erin into a crushing hug, then Holtzmann, and Abby rushes back over to hug Erin. They both step to the side of the arch, and Erin and Holtzmann are facing each other, finally. Holtzmann takes one of Erin's hands, as the other is occupied as she wipes her eyes.

"Stop crying," Holtzmann whispers with a smile.

" _You_ stop crying," Erin laughs.

Kevin clears his throat far too loud for far too long, and Erin exhales and takes both of Holtzmann's hands in her own.

"Dearly betrothed-" He begins,

"Nope," Abby sighs.

The crowd laughs.

"We have all gathered in this firehouse, where the conductors of the metaphysical examination work,"

" _Now_ he learns the name?" Erin mutters.

"Myself included." He continues.

" _Nope_." Abby repeats.

"To join in a holy matter of money-"

Patty clears her throat loudly, picking up a sheet of paper from the floor and handing it to him. His script.

"Erin and Holtz. Holtzmann. Erin and _Jillian_."

He pauses, and eyes both of them for cues that they don't offer.

"Erin Gilbert and Jillian Holtzmann."

"Atta boy," Holtzmann grins.

Erin just smiles and shakes her head, squeezing Holtzmann's hands.

"... For marriage and stuff."

"He's not even reading it." Erin whispers.

Holtz turns, releasing one of Erin's hands to place it firmly on Kevin's shoulder.

"Stick to the script, Kev, so you don't give my almost-wife here an aneurysm."

Their guests laugh again, and she turns back to Erin with a smile. She really doesn't care how much of a trainwreck it is. All she cares about is that she gets to marry the woman standing in front of her.

"We're here because this is not only where Erin and Holtzmann work everyday with the rest of the Ghostbusters to keep the city safe," He continues, reading from the script now.

"But it's also where they fell in love. Right here, in this firehouse."

He leans towards Holtzmann.

"This is a firehouse?" He asks.

She swats him away, shaking her head.

"So it seemed only fitting for them to start the next phase of their adventure together here, too. Aww, that's nice. Who wrote this?"

Holtzmann runs her thumb softly across Erin knuckles, still unable to take her eyes off her.

Kevin turns the sheet over, then turns to Patty.

"That's all I got. Do they have vows?"

"Yes, we have vows," Erin laughs, as Abby and Patty move toward them with their notes, but the brides both shake their heads.

"I'm good," Holtz insists.

"Me too."

Holtzmann eyes Erin, then Patty, then Kevin.

"Am I first? I'm first, right? Okay."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, psyching herself up.

"Erin," She looks deep into her eyes, the smile never leaving her face.

"So, uh, we know I'm not so good with the words, but I'm giving this a shot. Because I love you. So much. So... I never really thought I would get married. I never ran around with a pillowcase on my head when I was a kid unless I was doing the flying nun. And then I got older, and it became legal, and I still didn't think I would. And then I met you, and I realised that not only did I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but maybe you could tolerate me enough to spend the rest of yours with me, too. I owe you so much, Er. You gave me a home, and a family, and a life I never thought I could have. You gave me everything and you still do, everyday. There's no one as beautiful, or as smart, or as much of a nerd, or as terrible at speaking Spanish as you, and I can't believe I convinced you to marry me. I can't wait to wake up next to you every morning, to keep arguing with you about conspiracy theories, to fight ghosts with you forever. I love you."

There's a long silence, and Erin wipes her eyes, then throws her arms around her neck and hugs her tight. Holtzmann wraps her arms around her waist, relaxing against her.

"Not good with words my ass," She whispers, and Holtzmann just chuckles through her own tears, squeezing her tighter.

"Okay," Erin laughs tearfully as she pulls away, taking her hands again.

"Okay, sorry, my turn. God. How do I follow that?"

She looks around and sees Abby and Patty both sobbing.

"... At least it's not just me. Okay. Holtz."

She exhales, squeezing her hands.

"You are the weirdest person I've ever met."

Everyone laughs, and Holtzmann's grin widens.

"You are. You introduced yourself with a pick up line, and then within a few hours you were dancing to DeBarge and singing into a blowtorch for me. I'm not sure when I started to fall in love with you, but I'm pretty sure it was somewhere between those two events. You have a way of making me feel safe, even when you're setting things on fire. That's something I never really had before. I always had a fear that anything and anyone I loved would be taken away from me, or leave, so I just ran away."

She sends a sad glance in Abby's direction, and gets a tearful smile in return.

"... But I'm so sure about this. I'm sure about you, Holtz. You make me a version of myself that I actually _like_. I've lived more in the time I've known you than I have in my entire life. I can't believe I got lucky enough to fall in love with my best friend."

"Damn it," Holtzmann whispers, tears rolling down her face. She hugs her again.

They pull away slowly, both wiping at their eyes.

Holtzmann turns to Kevin.

"Can I kiss her yet?" She asks tearfully.

He clears his throat.

"By the power vest on me, by... the internet, and stuff. I announce you married. Wives."

They both look at him expectantly.

"Kiss!"

They crash into each other. Holtzmann holds Erin face in her hands, while Erin wraps her arms tight around her waist, and the crowd cheers for the entirety of their almost-inappropriately-long kiss.

Patty clears her throat.

"You forgot the rings."

"There are _rings_?"

 

* * *

 

The reception is held in a ballroom offered to them for free by the no-longer-haunted Mercado Hotel. They appreciate how everything seems to be coming full circle for this event. It's open-plan, with a small stage for the DJ at the front of the room, tables around the edges, an open bar, and a dance floor in the centre. There's no seating plan- they all know that there's nothing worse than being stuck with people you don't like at an event, so everyone is free to mingle or not mingle or sit at the bar and get hammered on the hotel's dime as they please. They learn quickly that getting married is _exhausting_. Everyone wants to talk to them. They barely see each other from the moment they arrive to the reception until they're called to the dance floor for their first dance. Erin pretty much runs into Holtzmann's arms.

"Hello again," Holtzmann laughs, stroking her hair.

"Hi," Erin grins, kissing her softly.

Holtz takes a step back when she hears the music, dramatically extending her hand to invite her to dance. Erin takes it with a smile, and Holtzmann pulls her in close- her hand on her waist, Erin's hand on her shoulder, their fingers intertwined.

_She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes_  
_She can ruin your faith with her casual lies_  
 _And she only reveals what she wants you to see_  
 _She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me_

"I'm so glad you joined me in a holy matter of money," Holtz whispers, and Erin laughs loudly.

"It was a mess, wasn't it?"

"A _beautiful_ mess."

 

_She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you_  
_She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you_  
 _And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free_

_Yeah, she steals like a thief  
But she's always a woman to me_

They sway softly to the music, and Erin lets go of Holtzmann's hand in favour of wrapping her arms around her neck and nuzzling into her shoulder.

"Like us, then."

" _Exactly_."

Holtzmann looks over at their guests as they dance.

"Abby and Patty are crying again," She chuckles.

"Of course they are."

"Let's give them a show," Holtz says with a wink as she steps out of the embrace and takes her hands.

 

_Oh, she takes care of herself_  
_She can wait if she wants_  
 _She's ahead of her time_

 

Holtzmann leads ballroom-style, and Erin tries not to laugh at the intense expression on her face as she does so.

"I see nothing funny about this, Ms Gilbert."

"That's Ms Gilbert-Holtzmann to you."

Holtzmann pauses and pulls back to look at her.

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah."

Holtzmann grins and pulls her back in, spinning her around under her arm, and their guests applaud behind them.

 

_Oh, and she never gives out_  
_And she never gives in_  
 _She just changes her mind_

Holtzmann smirks at her as they dance and Erin raises an eyebrow at her.

"What's that face? Holtz, don't-"

She spins them both faster and dramatically dips her, making Erin laugh as she tightens her arms around her neck and their guests cheer.

"Don't what?" She grins, still holding her like that.

Erin just rolls her eyes and kisses her, and their guests just yell louder.

 

_And she'll promise you more_  
_Than the Garden of Eden_  
 _Then she'll carelessly cut you_  
 _And laugh while you're bleedin'_

Holtzmann lifts her back up and they smile at each other as they sway.

"We're missing something here, right?"

"Definitely."

_But she'll bring out the best_  
_And the worst you can be_  
 _Blame it all on yourself_  
 _Cause she's always a woman to me_

They walk across the dance floor, fingers interlocked, and grab Abby and Patty's hands, leading them out to the sound of more cheers.

_Oh, she takes care of herself_  
_She can wait if she wants_  
 _She's ahead of her time_

They stand in a line, arms around each other, swaying and singing along with the music.

"Damn it," Patty laughs.

"I thought I was done crying for today."

 

_Oh, and she never gives out_  
_And she never gives in_  
 _She just changes her mind_

They break off into pairs, Abby dancing with Erin, Patty with Holtz.

"I'm really proud of you, Erin," Abby says quietly as they dance.

"Thanks, Ab. I owe it all to you."

Abby shakes her head.

"Stop. I know I keep crying, but I _refuse_ to out-cry Patty."

"Hey!" Patty yells from a few feet away.

"Stop keeping score!"

 

_She is frequently kind_  
_And she's suddenly cruel_  
 _She can do as she pleases_  
 _She's nobody's fool_

"Thanks, Patty," Holtzmann smiles as she dances with her friend.

"We couldn't have done this without you."

"I know that. You nerds could never put together a wedding this nice."

She nods over at Abby and then steps away from Holtz, nudging her back towards Erin. Holtzmann takes Patty's hand and kisses it before going back to her bride.

 

_But she can't be convicted  
She's earned her degree_

Holtzmann wraps her arms around Erin again, swaying slowly as the song comes to an end.

"We're wives now, you know." She grins into her shoulder.

"I know. We got _married_."

 

_And the most she will do_  
_Is throw shadows at you_  
 _But she's always a woman to me_

Holtzmann kisses her cheek softly as the song ends, and Erin goes to take her hand and lead her off the dance floor.

"Hold up," She puts her arm out to stop her, and does the same when Abby and Patty attempt to disperse.

"If we're doing Billy Joel, we're doing it _right_."

"Oh dear _god_ ," Abby groans, covering her face with her hands as Holtzmann slides on her knees across the dance floor and points at the DJ.

"That's right!" She yells as the song starts, walking over to the guests and gesturing for them to join them.

"This is happening!" She steps between Abby and Patty, slinging an arm around both of them and kicking her legs frantically.

" _UPTOWN GIRL_! SHE'S BEEN LIVING IN HER _UPTOWN WORLD_!"

She lets go of them and dances over towards the guests who haven't moved to join them yet.

"I'm gonna try for an-" She spins to point at Dr Gorin.

" _UPTOWN GIRL_!"

"Absolutely not," The older woman says as Holtzmann walks over, miming pulling her in with a rope.

She doesn't take no for an answer, grabbing her by the arm and all but dragging her onto the dance floor.

"As long as anyone with hot blood _caaaaaaan,_ " She sings as she swings Gorin's arms, essentially forcing her to dance.

"I hate everything about this," Her mentor insists, but she smiles anyway.

"It's my _wedding_. You don't have a choice."

"I can see tha- JILLIAN!" She yelps as the significantly shorter woman somehow manages to spin her.

"Love you, Gor!" She shouts over the music as she lets her go and heads for another table. She sets her sights on Erin's dad.

"Leave him alone, Holtz!" Abby yells from where she's sandwiched between her brothers on the dance floor.

"I'll do what I want!" She calls back as she reaches Mr Gilbert, who's sitting alone and nursing a scotch.

" _She'll see I'm not so tough_ ," Holtz sings as she moves towards him, extending her hand with a grin.

He laughs and shakes his head, slowly taking her hand and letting her lead him over to his daughter. Several of them cheer as he reaches the dance floor, and the three of them dance together.

"I've never seen you dance in my life, dad." Erin laughs, taking one of his hands and one of her wife's.

"What's a wedding without your dad embarassing you?" He grins.

" _She's getting tired of her high class to-ooys_!" He sings.

"YEEEEEEESSSSS!" Holtzmann shouts, overjoyed.

" _Oh whoa-oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh whoa-oh oh oh OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OHHH_ ," The two of them shout along, and Erin backs away slowly, watching them dance together. She covers her mouth with her hand as they swing their arms in time with each other, unable to believe what she's seeing.

Abby joins her after a few moments, keeling over with laughter at the sight.

Holtzmann looks over at Erin again.

" _And when she's waaaaalking she's looooking so fi-i-ine_ ," She dances over, swinging her arms and clicking her fingers in time with the music.

" _And when she's taaalking she'll say that she mi-i-ine_ ," She pulls her in and kisses her cheek before sending her over to her dad. She shakes her head at how ridiculous the whole thing is as she takes her father's hands.

"You know, Erin, I don't think I've ever seen _you_ dance before," He comments.

Erin shrugs, still grinning.

"She makes me dance."

"I'm so glad."

She hugs him, and she realises as they sway together that this is not only the happiest she's ever been, but the closest she's ever felt to him.

A few feet away, Holtz is squatting and pointing at Abby and Patty Will-Smith-red-carpet style as they dance together. The three of them run back over to Erin and her dad and squash them in a group hug for the last chorus, the five of them laughing and singing along to the end of the song.

"Woo!" Holtzmann yells, fist pumping.

"Everyone get drunk!"

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, when everyone is happily fed and intoxicated, the constant stream of congratulations has thinned out and Erin and Holtzmann sit alone at a table in the back, watching Kevin dance with his boyfriend.

"You know," Holtzmann begins, leaning back to throw an arm around her new wife.

"If they get married, I'm gonna officiate their wedding, and I'm gonna be even worse than him."

Erin chuckles.

"He would love that."

"I know," Holtzmann sighs, taking a sip of her drink.

"That's exactly why. I love that moron."

She turns to face her new wife, smiling at her as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You look so beautiful. Have I told you that yet today?"

"You have. And so do you."

Holtzmann gasps dramatically.

"Erin Gilbert. Did you just accept a compliment?"

Erin grins at her, resting her chin on her palm.

"I feel it today."

She gestures to her hair and dress.

"It's all Patty's handiwork."

"Erin. Gilbert." Holtzmann repeats, taking her face between both of her hands. It's one of those rare moments where all of her joking and bravado melts away, and she speaks with the utmost sincerity, like the weight of the world rests on her every word.

"I'm going to spend every day of the rest of my life trying to make you feel as beautiful as I know you are."

Erin falls silent, just traces her fingers slowly across Holtzmann's cheeks as she looks at her. She seems softer today, the most relaxed and comfortable Erin thinks she's ever seen her. Her clothes are so different from her usual wear- layers on layers, even in summer, but today she hasn't buried herself in armour. She's safe, and calm, and trusts everyone in this room. She doesn't need to protect herself from the world today. It's hers.

"I love you," Erin sighs.

"I know," Holtzmann whispers with a grin.

"Ugh," Erin scoffs.

"You can't Solo me on our _wedding day_."

"I just did." She smirks, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"I love you too, though."

"I know."

Holtzmann gasps with joy.

"You're the best Leia I could ever ask for."

Her eyebrows furrow together for a moment as she looks thoughtful.

"You think if Carrie Fisher were still alive, and we invited her, she'd come?"

Erin laughs.

"To a lesbian ghostbusters wedding? _Yes_. She'd have been the first one here."

A wide smile settles on Holtz's face as she runs her tongue across her bottom lip. She throws her arm back around Erin's shoulders, and settles back to look across the room as their guests mingle.

"Now _that's_ something I never thought I'd see," Erin comments, gesturing to the bar, where Dr Gorin is doing shots with Abby's brothers.

"Our Gor is full of surprises. I've never seen her drunk before, though. This might be fun."

"Or terrifying," Erin adds.

"Hopefully both."

They both turn suddenly when they hear someone approaching behind them, and see Abby heading over breathlessly.

"Just a heads up," She begins ominously, looking at Erin.

"Kevin keeps trying to eat your cake with his hands. I've done my best to distract him, but I'm just one tiny woman."

Holtzmann cackles, looking over to see Kevin hovering around the cake while Patty blocks him.

"Let him," Erin laughs.

They both turn to look at her.

"... You okay there, Erin? He's using his _hands_." Abby presses, her eyes wide.

"Never better." She smiles. After a moment, she gives in and glances over at Kevin.

"... Okay, maybe give him a fork? Like, place it in his hand. I'm sure he can figure it out from there."

"That's my girl," Holtzmann grins.

 

* * *

 

 

Eventually, the party dies down and they call it, being ushered out to the Ecto-1. Abby and Patty have rigged it up with the typical wedding attire, a 'just married' sign and tin cans tied to the back, each one painted by a ghostbuster. They climb in the front after the newlyweds get in the back to the sound of cheers. They laugh and talk and kiss for the majority of the journey, before eventually realising they're not taking the usual route back to their apartment.

"Where we going, Abs?" Holtz asks, leaning across into the front seat, only to be slapped away by Patty.

"That's for us to know and you to find out."

Holtzmann raises her eyebrows and shrugs, sliding back into her seat.

The car pulls up to a street they don't recognize a few minutes later.

"Okay ladies," Patty says loudly, clapping her hands together.

"Blindfold time."

"Oooh," Holtzmann coos.

"Kicking off the wedding night festivities already, are we?" She grins.

"Pipe down, ya nasty," Patty swats her in disgust.

They're ushered out of the car and blindfolded, then led into a building, Abby leading Erin and Patty leading Holtz.

"I don't like this," Erin complains.

"You will," Abby laughs, sharing a knowing look with Patty, unbeknownst to the brides.

They're relatively quiet, safe for Holtzmann pretending to fall a few times, as they're lead into a building.

"You're in an elevator," Abby tells them, just before they feel it moving up.

"This is horrifying," Erin groans.

"Are you going to murder us?"

"We might if you don't shut up," Abby quips.

They leave the elevator and walk down a hallway, finally being pushed inside a doorway.

"You can take them off now. See you kids tomorrow."

The door shuts, and the newlyweds are left alone. They take the blindfolds off slowly, unsure of what to expect. Erin gets hers off first.

"Holy shit," Erin says quietly.

" _Damn_ ," Holtzmann agrees once hers is off.

It's a hotel room. The honeymoon suite, surely. It's beautiful.

It's got all the bells and whistles you'd expect; rosepetals on the bed, a heart-shaped hot tub, a city view.

They look at each other in shock for a few moments before Erin spies a note on the dresser.

" _Voted against the Mercado, just in case_ ," She reads aloud.

" _We all pitched in. Did you know Kevin has a massive inheritance? He doesn't even need this job. Idiot_." She laughs as she finishes it, placing it back on the surface.

"Gonna save that for your wedding scrapbook?" Holtzmann asks.

"How did you know I'm making a scrapbook?"

Holtzmann just grins.

She takes Erin's hands, and walks backwards until her the back of her legs hit the bed, sitting down, Erin next to her. She keeps hold of one of her hands, smiles at her, strokes her hair.

"You have a good day?"

"Yeah," Erin laughs.

"It was... It was perfect."

Holtzmann just smiles back at her, bites her lip, before leaning in to kiss her wife. Erin melts into her touch, wrapping her arms around her waist. Holtzmann runs her fingers through her hair as she holds her close.

"You know," Holtz whispers against her lips.

"I hate to say this, but-"

"I am _so_ tired," Erin laughs, finishing her sentence.

"Yeah." She looks at the bed, then back at Erin.

"Nap? And then we can rally?" She suggests, wiggling her eyebrows.

" _Yes_ ," Erin exhales as Holtz climbs up the bed.

"That's the sexiest thing you've ever said."

"There's more where that came from, my love."

She gestures to the pillow, then fluffs it, and pats the space next to her.

"You're killing me," Erin grins as she joins her.

She collapses back on the pillow with a sigh. She looks at the ceiling for a few seconds, then rolls onto her side to look at Holtz, who is already looking at her, their faces inches apart.

"Thanks for marrying me," Holtzmann whispers, a ghost of a smile lingering at her lips.

"Thanks for marrying _me_ ," Erin says back to her.

They kiss again, lazily, their hands intertwined in the small space between them.

Erin takes Holtzmann's hand in both of her own, running her thumb across her ring finger. She looks at her own ring, too. She'd barely had a moment to think about them all day. They're a pale rose gold, engraved with the date they first met.

Holtzmann watches her as she examines them, appreciates the soft smile on her face.

Erin falls asleep first, her head resting on Holtzmann's shoulder, an arm slung over her waist. Holtzmann sighs happily, stroking her hair as she listens to her breathing. She wonders how she got so lucky as to be the one who gets to fall asleep with Erin Gilbert, the one who gets to kiss her, to love her, to _marry_ her. She thinks back to that first "come here often?" and smiles. She doesn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. Her eyes drift close as she thinks about that version of Erin Gilbert; tense and defensive in her pressed tweed suit, so different from the one that lies soundly asleep in her arms in a wedding dress. She supposes she's not the same Holtzmann that instinctively hit on her, either. Everything's different, yet so wonderfully the same. They're still themselves, just the better versions that they bring out in each other. She falls asleep breathing in the soft scent of Erin's shampoo, thinking about how lucky she is. She's _so_ goddamn lucky.

_I have faith in what I see_  
_Now I know I have met an angel in person_  
_And she looks perfect_  
_I don't deserve this_  
_You look perfect tonight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had SO MUCH FUN writing this. So much. Especially the Uptown Girl part, even if I had to listen to it about ten thousand times to get the timing right. I hope it shows! If you're wondering about certain aspects of this- e.g. Abby's brothers, Kevin's boyfriend, you'll meet them officially later. Also, I was watching The One With Monica & Chandler's Wedding whilst writing the ceremony part, if you caught the references. I couldn't resist.  
> As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think!


	6. Galway Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Singing.

_Oh, I could have that voice playing on repeat for a week_

 

* * *

 

 

Holtzmann sings all the time. All the time.

She sings along to the eclectic mix of music she plays in the lab, she belts out show tunes when she gets particularly pumped during a bust, she even hums along to elevator music that she can't possibly have heard before.

At first, Erin thinks she finds it annoying, but eventually, she realises that she misses it when it's not there. A room feels empty without Holtzmann bopping around it, singing her internal monologue to a tune she'd picked up from a 3am infomercial.

What Erin doesn't realise, is that she's never heard Holtzmann _really_ sing. It's a long time before she experiences that.

 

When Erin steps out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and finds Holtzmann, cross-legged on the living room floor in just her underwear, strumming a guitar and singing soulfully, she's surprised. She's surprised because they've been living together for the better part of six months, and she really thought she knew everything about her. Erin knows that Holtz is allergic to doing the dishes, she knows that she never checks to see if there's already a carton of milk open before opening another one, she knows that if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she'll eat cereal and watch cartoons for an hour before going back to sleep.

She's surprised because that's apparently not the only thing she does in the middle of the night.

She writes love songs, too.

And Erin might assume that it isn't her own, that it's just another piece of Holtzmann's wide-reaching music taste she's too out of touch to ever have heard, if her name weren't at the top of each verse.

She realises all at once that if Holtzmann hasn't shared this part of herself with her yet, then maybe she doesn't want to. And she wants to respect that, wants to walk away- and she would, if her knees hadn't gone so weak that she'd surely fall if she tried.

So she stays, leans against the doorframe, closes her eyes and takes in the soft melody falling from the equally soft lips of the woman she loves.

She opens them slowly as the song ends, her eyelids still heavy with sleep, and finds her girlfriend looking back at her.

"Hey," Holtzmann grins.

"Hi," Erin smiles sheepishly, slowly stepping into the room to perch on the couch next to her.

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping," She says with a nervous laugh.

"You weren't eavesdropping," Holtz chuckles, her nose scrunching in confusion as she places a hand on Erin's knee.

"You live here."

"Yeah, I do," She laughs, placing her hand over Holtzmann's.

"But you're still entitled to your privacy."

Holtzmann raises her eyebrows.

"I am? I didn't know that."

Erin smiles, shaking her head as she gets up, opting to sit next to her on the floor instead.

"Of course you are," She smiles, stroking her girlfriend's cheek before tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She loves seeing her with her hair down- it falls down her back in loose curls, tired from hours of being twisted and pinned into that ridiculous updo. It's Holtz at her most raw, and Erin is so grateful to be the one that gets to see it.

"That was really beautiful, Holtz," She says quietly.

"I didn't know you wrote."

Holtz nods slowly, her eyebrows slightly furrowed- a rare display of modesty.

"Sometimes. When the mood strikes."

"Have you always?"

"Not much since my angst-ridden teen years. But then I, you know," She rubs the back of her neck nervously.

"I suddenly found myself with a lot of feelings and needing somewhere to put them."

Erin bites her lip to hold back her smile as Holtz scrunches her nose, turning away embarrassed.

"Shut up," She laughs.

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, you did. With your face."

Erin rolls her eyes, and Holtz faces her again, a soft smile set upon her lips.

"C'mere," She grins, putting the guitar aside and opening her arms.

Erin crawls into her lap, smiling down at her as she wraps her arms around her neck.

She sighs happily as Holtz rubs her back and pulls her closer.

"Love you," Erin smiles, nuzzling into her.

"Love you more," Holtz whispers, pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

Erin hums against her, content, twirling a blonde curl between her fingers.

"Holtz?" She says after a while, pulling back slightly to look at her.

"Are there more? More songs?"

Holtz scrunches her face up again, letting out a small groan.

Erin grins.

"Let me hear them," She giggles, pressing her face against Holtz's cheek in attempt to wear her down.

"Another time," Holtz relents.

Erin raises an eyebrow at her.

"I promise."

"Good," She beams, slowly standing up and extending a hand to help Holtz up with her.

Holtz intertwines their fingers once she's on her feet, and follows Erin when she starts to walk backwards toward their bedroom.

"Bed, songbird?"

Holtz gasps dramatically and tugs her back so she's facing her.

"You can't call me that. It's too cute. I'll throw up on you."

Erin just laughs and ignores her, leading her to their room, Holtz's song already playing in her head.

 

* * *

 

When the tables are turned, the whole thing is much less graceful.

Having woken up absurdly early, as usual, Holtzmann had decided to swing by Erin's favourite bakery and surprise her with breakfast in bed.

She creeps back into the apartment, hoping to find Erin still asleep and get the opportunity to wake her up with kisses, but she isn't surprised to find their bed empty- they'd both grown accustomed to having each other in their space, and neither were able to sleep much without feeling the other one there next to them.

She is surprised, however, by the sound of singing coming from the bathroom, muffled by running water. _Singing_. Erin doesn't _sing_.

But she is, unmistakeably, singing in the shower. David Bowie, if Holtz isn't mistaken.

She sets their breakfast down on the kitchen counter and steps towards the bathroom, quietly opening the door just a crack. Her breathing hitches a little as she listens.

Not just Erin singing, but Erin singing _like an angel_.

"ERIN!" She yells, suddenly marching into the bathroom and pulling back the shower curtain.

"Oh my god!" Erin jumps before hitting her on the arm and splashing her with water.

"Holtz, you scared the shit out of me."

"Pfft," Holtz swats her away.

"I am the one that is outraged here. You can _sing_."

Erin frowns in confusion.

"So?"

" _So_ -" She takes off her jacket and throws it on the floor before starting to unbutton her shirt.

"We have been together for nearly a year, and I have not once heard you sing. You were _hiding_ your beautiful voice from me. I am shocked and appalled."

"What are you doing?" Erin asks, ignoring her girlfriend's ramblings as she watches her shirt hit the floor.

"I'm getting in," Holtz responds as she kicks off her shoes.

Erin just rolls her eyes and goes back to washing her hair.

" _Anyway_ ," Holtz says loudly as she steps into the shower. She turns Erin around and takes over washing her hair for her.

"We need to discuss this."

"Discuss what?" Erin sighs absentmindedly, distracted by Holtz's fingers kneading blissfully through her hair.

"You. Singing."

"I told you I sang in that play in third grade."

"Yes, and you were traumatised. And thus no longer sang."

"Everyone sings, Holtz," She chuckles as her girlfriend starts to rinse her hair, lovingly placing a hand at the top of her head so the water doesn't go in her eyes.

"Just not in public."

"Not even for me? I thought I'd bring it out of you. Eventually."

Erin just smiles, turning back to her once her hair is free of shampoo.

"You did."

"I did?" Holtz grins.

"Singing in the shower, Holtz? Textbook sign of happiness."

Holtz hums happily, pulling Erin in by the hips for a soft kiss.

"You're getting wet," Erin laughs, feeling the water drip down the blonde's face.

"Well, I got in with you, didn't I? Kind of a given."

Erin eyes her up. Her hair is pulled into a messy bun instead of its regularly scheduled twisted and pinned insanity.

"Are you washing your hair?"

"Wellllllll," Holtz smiles.

"I wasn't going to, but now that we're here..."

She takes her hair down and grins as Erin pulls her fully under the stream of water. Erin runs her hands delicately over her girlfriend's hair before it soaks.

"I love you with your hair down," She sighs happily.

"You love me all the time."

Erin chuckles.

"You know what I mean."

Holtz leans to pick up a bottle to hand it to Erin, before closing her eyes as she lets the water cascade over her hair.

"Is this... baby shampoo?"

"No more tears, Erin."

Erin just laughs as she starts to wash her hair, Holtz sighing happily and leaning into her touch.

"Where did you go this morning?" Erin asks.

"I picked up breakfast, because I am an incredible thoughtful girlfriend, and don't keep secrets like a torrid affair with David Bowie."

Erin rolls her eyes.

"I really wish you'd phrase that differently."

" _I_ really wish you wouldn't keep your beautiful singing voice from me."

They fall quiet for a few moments, just the sound of running water, until Holtz starts chuckling.

"I can _feel_ you blushing."

"No you can't. Shut up."

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann pockets this new information, saves it for a rainy day, and appreciates that Erin starts singing in the shower when she _is_ home, too.

That rainy day comes sooner than she expected- three weeks later, in fact, when the Ghostbusters walk into a bar on a Friday after a particularly trying bust, and find that it's karaoke night.

"Nope," Erin says immediately, without even turning to look at her girlfriend, whose face had lit up as soon as she saw the sign.

"But-"

"There's not enough alcohol in the world, Holtz."

Holtzmann bites her lip to hold back a grin, her eyes alight with mischief.

"Is that a challenge, Dr Gilbert?"

Erin sighs as she glances around. It's been a tense week, and she could do with blowing off some steam, and she's sure that Holtz could never get her drunk enough to embarrass herself, anyway.

"...Sure."

Holtz fist pumps and runs over to the bar, the other three reaching her just in time to hear her ordering way too many tequila shots.

"Nope. That's the devil's liquor." Patty waves her hand in front of her face in disdain before turning to the bartender and ordering her own drink.

"Weak," Holtzmann laughs.

"Abble pie, will you partake?"

Abby shrugs.

"Why not? We're getting a booth, though. We're not animals."

They stand up and turn to Erin, who places a suddenly empty shot glass on the bar.

"... Right," She laughs awkwardly.

"Booth."

Holtz grins and pats her on the shoulder before picking up the tray of drinks.

"Pace yourself, my love."

 

 

When Patty joins them almost an hour later, having been distracted by an unsuspecting, dark-haired skinny guy at the bar, she's disturbed by the number of empty glasses.

"Paaaaatty," Holtz sing-songs, opening her arms as she approaches.

"Jesus," Patty laughs, shaking her head as she slides in next to Abby.

Holtz is lying down with her legs across Erin's lap and her head dangling out of the booth, while Abby and Erin cry with laughter over something they probably couldn't explain if they tried.

"I gotta learn not to leave y'all unsupervised. Lightweights."

"Excuuuuse me," Abby interjects, still laughing.

"I'll have you know I've drank more than these losers _combined_."

Holtz sits up and shuffles forward until she's pretty much in Erin's lap, while the brunette holds her pinky fingers below her eyes to stop herself from crying as she laughs.

"Hey Erin," Holtz murmurs, her face pressed right up against hers.

"You ready to sing yet, or one more shot?"

Erin makes a face at her, one so ridiculous that Holtz nearly falls back laughing.

"Listen," She slurs, pointing her finger right in her girlfriend's face.

"I will sing if you sing first."

She crosses her arms and leans back in the booth, looking pleased with herself.

Holtz scrunches her face up, considering it.

"Fine, but you have to be _front row_."

"Of course."

Holtz grins, climbing off of Erin's lap and out of the booth, wobbling only for a second before extending a hand to Erin. Erin follows her out, and lingers near the stage while Holtz goes up and selects her song as she waits for the current performer to finish. It's an old guy, and he's so drunk that no one even knows what song he's singing.

When his song thankfully finishes, Holtz strides dramatically onto the stage like a gazelle and takes one of the two microphones. Erin lingers right in front of her beneath the stage, grinning and cheering. Abby and Patty join her after a few moments, Patty already poised to film the inevitable disaster.

As the music starts, though, Erin's eyes widen.

"Holtz!" She yells over the music.

"This is a duet!"

" _Is it_?" Holtz squeaks back, right into the microphone, feigning shock as she dances around the stage crotch-first.

"Come on Erin," She grins.

"I'm calling your bluff. I know you're not gonna let the love of your life do a duet by herself."

Erin sighs, shaking her head as Holtz starts to sing.

"Baby when I met you there was peace unknown," She sings joyfully, edging closer to Erin with every word, holding the second microphone in her free hand.

"I set out to get you with a _fine tooth comb_ ,"

"Nope," Erin insists, trying to avoid looking at her, knowing that she'll laugh if she does.

"I was soft inside, there was somethin' _goooing oooon_ ,"

She reaches the edge of the stage and hands her the microphone, giving her a look that Erin just can't say no to, and she reluctantly takes the microphone.

"You do something to me that I can't explain," Holtz sings, waving her hand to Erin to join in.

"Hold me closer and I feel no pain," Erin sings, just barely audible.

"Yes!" Holtz yells with a grin into the mic, punching the air.

"Volume control, Holtzy!" Patty shouts back at her.

"Damn."

Holtz ignores her, singing to Erin and dancing at her from the stage.

"Tender love is bliiind, it requires a dedication," She extends her hand to Erin, and cheers when she takes it, pulling her onto the stage.

Something about having Holtz right next to her, dancing way too close to her, makes Erin stop caring about what she looks like in front of their fellow barflies (which, if she's honest, is something she's not sure _why_ she cares about anyway).

"Making _loooove_ to each other," Holtz sings with a growl, pulling Erin in by the hips.

The chorus approaches, and what's left of Erin's inhibitions leaves her entirely.

"ISLANDS IN THE STREAM! THAT IS WHAT WE ARE!" They belt out together, Holtz's arm around Erin's shoulder, Erin's around her waist, as they drunkenly sway together.

"This is the best and worst thing I've ever seen," Patty laughs loudly, still filming.

"I'm so happy right now!" Abby yells drunkenly, waving her drink in the air along with the music.

"And we rely on each other, ah-ah," Holtz takes Erin's hand and spins her under her arm, both laughing as they sing.

"Makin' love with each-other, ah-ah!"

They make it through the rest of the song, repeatedly tripped over nothing and forgetting the words, laughing and holding onto each other.

Patty catches Holtz as she stumbles off the stage, and Erin after her.

The four of them keep laughing as they head back to their booth, all high-fiving each other.

"Oh my god," Erin covers face with her hands, still grinning.

"I can't believe I just did that."

"I had no idea you sang, Erin." Patty comments.

"Hey, me neither," Abby frowns, the thought not having occurred to her before.

"She kept it like a filthy, _filthy_ secret," Holtz announces, stretching her legs across Erin's lap again.

Abby leans over to look at Patty's phone, watching the glorious footage.

"Is that a video? Oh my god! Delete that!" Erin pipes up from across the table, leaning over to try to take the phone.

"I think not, baby. I'm keepin' this masterpiece _forever_ ," Patty says proudly.

"That better not ever see the light of day," Erin attempts to be stern, but it's hard to take her seriously when she's slurring.

"Of course not," Patty agrees.

"Until your wedding day," She mutters to Abby, who fist bumps her under the table.

"What was that?"

"Don't worry about it," Abby chuckles.

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours and several more drinks later, Erin and Holtz stumble through the door of their apartment.

"Water," Erin insists, letting go of her hand and heading into the kitchen.

Holtz whines in protest, but takes a seat at the breakfast bar while Erin fills two glasses.

"Well, hello, good sir." Holtz says in a high-pitched voice as their cat jumps up to greet her. She leans forward so he can nuzzle against his face, and Erin smiles at the sight.

"Here," Erin sits down opposite her and slides the glass over, scratching their son on the head before taking a sip of her water.

They sit quietly for a few minutes, their cat sat happily on the surface between them, while Holtz looks at Erin and smiles.

"Why are you staring at me?" Erin giggles.

"You sang tonight, Er. In front of _people_." Holtz responds triumphantly.

"Drunk people," Erin laughs.

"They won't remember. It barely counts."

"It _does_ count." Holtz insists, tapping her fondly on the nose.

Erin just hums in not-quite-agreement.

"And you know..." Holtz begins, giving Erin a look that usually means a terrible joke is incoming.

"We _are_ islands in the stream."

"Stop," Erin laughs.

"I don't wanna think about that ever again."

"Well, you'll probably have to when Patty inevitably plays it at our wedding."

"You're probably right," Erin laughs, and Holtz eyes her carefully, searching for any potentially negative reaction to the word _wedding_. It doesn't seem to faze Erin at all, and Holtzmann's heart skips a beat. Soon, then.

Holtzmann grins and finishes off her water, places the glass on the counter and stands up.

"C'mon," She heads around the counter and takes Erin's hand, leading her towards their bedroom.

"Let's go _make love to each other, ah-ah_ ," She sings.

"You're the worst."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Thanks for reading, and sorry I've been taking so long to update. I'll try to be better, and not get distracted by my millions of other fic ideas.  
> Psst, if you're wondering why I didn't name the cat, it's because he's a key player in an upcoming chapter. You'll get to know him then. Stay tuned! xo


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